Rambling

 Coffee

Sitting here, drinking my coffee.  Soon, I will go out and do my fowl chores (pun intended.).  Extra duties on Saturdays.  I have to turn my compost pile, in addition to cleaning the duck house and gathering greens for them.  Still, I enjoy the dark morning hours.  Too few minutes dedicated to staring up at the stars.

Angry Beaver

When my niece was younger, she watched a show called Two Angry Beavers Even being, 24 years older than her, I had watched that show some, too.  What's my point?  I have an anger issue.  Not serious enough for anyone to fear for their life, but bad enough to make my marriage difficult.  When I talked to my brother (RIP 2009) about my marital issues, he told me not to be an angry beaver.

Help

I still need help.  I feel that I have legitimate complaints about my relationship, but at the same time, there are things that I should be doing to correct issues in myself.  I am frustrated.  I am angry.  I am upset that I have a bad relationship, especially since it had been good at one time.  I feel that life piling more onto my shoulders.  I have two households to maintain and strife between them (parent and spouse.)

I do need help.  Two options that I am inclined towards are Stoicism and meditation.  As a philosophy, Stoicism appeals to me.  I think that I have begun to live some of its tenets, but my dissatisfaction disrupts.  And meditation... I think that it would be good, but, dang, it is hard.  It's so easy to stop doing it as with many other activities that I have done in the past.

Lost

I am lost.  I am certain that there are millions like me out there.  We're all lost.  I am certainly nothing special.  Not a snowflake or unicorn.  Just an asshole wishing for a better life than he deserves.