Long Time

Hopefully, I will get back to posting here.  Basically, a post for myself.  May be a sanity check, cathartic writing or still hoping to fix myself.

My dad is dead.  He had heart surgery May 14th, 2020 to replace a leaky valve.  He was rated in the top 99% for survivability.  Surgery went well, but as they were closing up, things went wrong.  In short, the aorta shredded and they fought to save him (40%).  They did.  Then he had one complication after another:  kidney failure, fungal lung infection, steel sutures rejected, bone infection, bacterial lung infection.  He languished for five months in different hospitals with them all telling us that he was getting better.  He was a strong, healthy man before surgery, and they completely broke him.  We did finally get him home for one day.  My mother caressed his head, and I held his hand as he took his last breath.  His grand daughters and daughter-in-laws got to say their goodbyes.

Worse things have happened to better people.

I do think that my dad was a good person.  Not perfect, but good.  As sad as I am, I do know that there is still suffering out in the world, and bad things do happen.

"I would not do anything to hurt my family.  I am spent.  I have lost my glasses, my voice, Hope."

I found the above in his email drafts (I did correct the typos).  It was to go to me and was dated June 27th.  I wish that he would have sent it.

If anything positive has come from this, is that I pray every night for the people that I know that need it (coworkers, friends, relatives, etc.)  I can't say that I am religious, but the book, The Healing Power of Pray had an impact on me.  It doesn't matter who you pray to (whatever fits your beliefs), but know that the prayers do have an effect.  Yes, my father is still dead, but that is for another discussion.  My brother's dead, too. And many other relatives have gone, some naturally, some tragically.  But I still believe.