Yes Sir/No Sir Lesson

I loved my grandfather very much.  He did have his faults and I won't make excuses other than set context.  He grew up in a rural town in Virginia.  He had to quit grade school when his father died, so that he could support his mother and two siblings.  He was an uneducated, blue collar worked drifting from job to job, just trying to make a living.  He did factory work, carpentry, odd jobs, gas station attendant, etc.  And, sad to say, was racist.

The Lesson

My dad never taught my brother and I to say "yes, sir.", "no, sir", "yes, ma'am" and "no, ma'am."  He wanted us to mean it when we said it.  For myself, I started using it when I worked in retail.  There were people that I wouldn't say it to, because, well, they weren't nice.  Today, I will use that when talking with someone.  I believe in giving respect until the other person proves that they don't deserve it.

The lesson was given to my father by his father, and the effect was opposite of the original intention.  I do not recall all of the details and both men are gone from this life, so I cannot fact check.  I rely on my own faulty memory.  Read into the meaning, not the details, please.

My dad was a young boy, I think in middle school when this lesson took place.  A black gentleman came to their house (I do not recall why.)  My grandfather introduced the man to my dad, and my dad responded with "pleased to meet you, sir."  His dad corrected him:  "Oh, you don't have to 'sir' no n****r."

Learned

Right then, my dad decided that if he didn't have to 'sir' this gentleman, then he didn't have to 'sir' anyone.

That's why my dad didn't teach us to do that. I believe that my dad recognized the unfairness at that young age.  I am happy to think about that.  He realized that his father was wrong, though he wouldn't correct him for fear of harsh punishment.

I wish that I could reach out to that gentleman and apologize for the words of my grandfather.