I'm Nobody
First, let me say that I am a nobody in an ocean of billions of people. I am not an expert on what this post is about. I am writing from my perspective for myself, sharing my thoughts with whoever might read this in hopes that it is food for thought. I am not trying to stir up controversy nor tell people what to do. Please try to understand the ideas that I am trying to convey.
Prayer
Years ago, I read the book, The Healing Power of Prayer by Chester Tolson and Harold Koenig. The ideas posited by the book were that prayer had a positive effect, especially healing when used in that way. They did not push a religious agenda. To them, the religion was less important than the prayer itself. It's a beautiful idea and one that I believe in.
I believe that prayer is important and I have begun to think about how I should be praying. It's still a gray area for me. I do not have a clear path, but I have begun formulating one. And I admit that I have only recently (May 2020) committed myself to praying consistently.
Chaos Magic
"Magic when talking about prayer? What the heck?"
Please bear with me and I hope to make the connection clear. I was listening to a podcast that covers a variety of topics. The hosts did a couple of episodes on Chaos Magic. Two of the hosts did delve into the practice and they had a few opinions. I may not remember everything correctly, but I believe that I have the general concept down and I may have extrapolated. The next paragraph is my take away and it is combined with many other thoughts and ideas from a variety of sources.
Most people are probably familiar with the concept of white and black magic. White magic helps other people. Help as in helping those in need. Black magic is selfish and is usually used for personal gain and acquisition of power. White magic doesn't exact a price from the caster. Black magic always comes at a cost. The idea has been with us since the beginning. "What you sow, so shall you reap." "What goes round, comes around." The concept of karma, etc. Basically, white magic equals selfless, black magic equals selfish.
How Should We Pray?
I really don't know, but here's what I am trying to do. Keeping in mind white and black magic, I am trying to pray primarily for others in need. I believe that by doing so, I will have a positive effect on others and by focusing on others, I will improve myself. I hope that the practice will help me develop more empathy for my fellow humans in addition to helping them spiritually.
Was I Wrong?
Over a decade ago, I prayed hard for my brother to live. I begged others to pray. He died. More recently, I prayed hard for my dad to recover from a surgery gone wrong. He never did. He lingered for five months before passing from this world.
Both times, I prayed because I didn't want to lose them. I was thinking about myself. I didn't want to lose my big brother. I didn't want to lose my dad. For my brother, it has been so long that I don't remember all the details. I just remember the building dread as the brain tumor came back and his condition worsened until finally his brain just shut down from the pressure. For my dad, I prayed every day (except one) that he would recover. I wasn't ready to lose my dad. I thought that he should have, at least, a decade more of life. I didn't pray for what was best for him. I prayed for what I wanted.
Trying
It's hard. There are people close to me that I do pray for. I am trying to phrase my thoughts and prayers to address their needs, not the outcome that I want or desire. I am trying to remove myself from the equation. I am trying hard to pray for the good of the individual. Mostly, I pray for those that have some kind of connection to me: co-worker, friend, relative, my child's teacher, etc. I wrestle with that. How should I pray for those that I do not have a connection, however tenuous? Should I have a "blanket" prayer for groups in need? A general prayer for anyone suffering?
And I do pray for myself, though not every day. I do ask that I recognize what I am doing wrong and give me the insight on how to self-correct. And I make apologies for my failings whether it is forgetting someone on my mental prayer list or for getting frustrated over a silly domestic situation.
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